Hot weather, at last...lovely.
Well, not lovely really. Only lovely if you don't have to move from in front of a fan whilst sipping ice water! and certainly not lovely when you are carrying about 10 extra stones on your back and trying to continue to live a 'normal' life!!
I always seem to forget until we have hot weather, just how uncomfortable I find living and working with a bit of heat.
Long gone are the days of my wearing skirts or dresses, as my thighs rub together mercilessly and chaff like nothing on earth...having them crack and bleed was the worst summer I spent!
Wearing tights or 'comfort shorts' doesn't ease the problem either as I seem to get nylon burn instead.
So trousers it is, as of course shorts for me are out of the question, my knees and calf's are so big and pasty that protruding from a pair of shorts they may get mistaken for the worlds largest bratwurst sausages and BBQ'd to feed the 5000!
I have now found that linen trousers keep you pretty cool and Ann Harvey do a few lovely pairs that even fit well ( gasp!) so I can remain covered and cool at the same time...but that's the point really, I don't want to spend the rest of my days covered head to toe, dousing many areas with talc to avoid the rub and not venturing far because of shear heat exhaustion...I want to wear strappy tops and shorts, I want to go swimming and not feel like every one is looking just at me and wondering where they do such big swimming costumes, I want a normal life and a normal summer....so roll on next year and fingers crossed, my first summer as a lighter person!
Monday, 28 July 2008
Saturday, 19 July 2008
Strange
In a funny way, my pre-op diet can't come quickly enough...I'm sitting here typing this with terrible acid indigestion and I know full well that this is purely due to eating Chinese food and lots of it. In hindsight I have no idea why we ordered so much, let alone why I ate so much!
Today has been an example of how a lack of planning can affect the way we eat, nothing worth eating in the house led directly to gorging on greasy food instead of getting off my arse and going shopping, though in fairness The Husband has also been suffering from a distinct lack of get up and go, which means we are both in need of the zantac.
One positive of this day of lethargy has been the discovery of a web site dedicated to weight loss surgery : http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk
Which has proven very helpful in answering some of my questions about the op etc.
Another issue I'm facing is that today I started metformin for my PCOS, it's supposed to help with keeping my hormones under control and blood sugars more regular...there's also some evidence to suggest it leads to weight loss, however, as with all good things, there has to be a catch....it can cause gastric issues. Not I might add those of an upper GI nature but more closely associated with the bowels....great.
So, on top of the heartburn, I could well be facing several trips to the flushing place....still at least it gives me time to write my shopping list, what do I need now?
mmmmm, errrr, zantac & loo roll at the very least...
Today has been an example of how a lack of planning can affect the way we eat, nothing worth eating in the house led directly to gorging on greasy food instead of getting off my arse and going shopping, though in fairness The Husband has also been suffering from a distinct lack of get up and go, which means we are both in need of the zantac.
One positive of this day of lethargy has been the discovery of a web site dedicated to weight loss surgery : http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk
Which has proven very helpful in answering some of my questions about the op etc.
Another issue I'm facing is that today I started metformin for my PCOS, it's supposed to help with keeping my hormones under control and blood sugars more regular...there's also some evidence to suggest it leads to weight loss, however, as with all good things, there has to be a catch....it can cause gastric issues. Not I might add those of an upper GI nature but more closely associated with the bowels....great.
So, on top of the heartburn, I could well be facing several trips to the flushing place....still at least it gives me time to write my shopping list, what do I need now?
mmmmm, errrr, zantac & loo roll at the very least...
Sunday, 13 July 2008
Dietitian
The husband and I turned up once again to the well thought of hospital and waited to meet the Dietitian, who will help me to alter my life and lifestyle forever and who will play a huge role in re-educating me in how to eat!
K- the Dietitian is a tall, slim young woman with a slight antipodean twang to her voice and a friendly face. She asked questions and made notes, listened intently and empathised with my tales of dieting woe. In fact she fairly exploded when I told her one of my main concerns was how I was going to find the time to eat lunch, when quite often I don't even get a lunch break..that after all is typical within the NHS!
Our discussion has highlighted to me that far from eating too much food, I eat too little and not often enough, though of course I tend to eat the wrong types of food and both the Husband and I are guilty of not planing well enough and grabbing rubbish for convenience.
Talking through my thoughts and feelings regarding food was interesting and I realised I carry a lot of shame about eating....I don't ever eat anything in the street, like a burger or hot dog, not even an apple. I feel everyone's eyes are on me, saying " greedy cow, no wonder she's so fat". I feel like I can't ask for a lunch break for the same reason, after all a woman my size cant get hungry surely??
Having now heard that after the band it will take me about half and hour to digest my meals properly, I am worried that my job wont allow for this, I have to speak to my manager on Monday and explain the situation...I wonder how understanding she and my work colleges will be?
I have all ready experience from others what I consider to be a form of discrimination regarding this procedure: I have to have about 2-3 weeks off post op to recover, I naturally assumed that I would simply be signed off sick from work after the op, not fit to work until I had recovered. At this point some people questioned this, saying it was an elective procedure, therefore I should take the time off as holiday! Well I thought that unfair, after all if I pushed for it, I'd get the op on the NHS, would they expect me to have my recovery as holiday then?? what if it was knee op I was paying for, again would I have to use annual leave for that?? in fact even personnel at first said yes, I must take it as holiday!! but changed their tack once they realised it was NOT a cosmetic procedure.
So now I have to discuss the issue of having a lunch break... I'm sure my boss will be fine and she has been very good to me so far...we will see.
So seeing the Dietitian has all ready opened a can of worms, this procedure is more than just simple gastric band, its an examination and alteration of every aspect of my life.
K- the Dietitian is a tall, slim young woman with a slight antipodean twang to her voice and a friendly face. She asked questions and made notes, listened intently and empathised with my tales of dieting woe. In fact she fairly exploded when I told her one of my main concerns was how I was going to find the time to eat lunch, when quite often I don't even get a lunch break..that after all is typical within the NHS!
Our discussion has highlighted to me that far from eating too much food, I eat too little and not often enough, though of course I tend to eat the wrong types of food and both the Husband and I are guilty of not planing well enough and grabbing rubbish for convenience.
Talking through my thoughts and feelings regarding food was interesting and I realised I carry a lot of shame about eating....I don't ever eat anything in the street, like a burger or hot dog, not even an apple. I feel everyone's eyes are on me, saying " greedy cow, no wonder she's so fat". I feel like I can't ask for a lunch break for the same reason, after all a woman my size cant get hungry surely??
Having now heard that after the band it will take me about half and hour to digest my meals properly, I am worried that my job wont allow for this, I have to speak to my manager on Monday and explain the situation...I wonder how understanding she and my work colleges will be?
I have all ready experience from others what I consider to be a form of discrimination regarding this procedure: I have to have about 2-3 weeks off post op to recover, I naturally assumed that I would simply be signed off sick from work after the op, not fit to work until I had recovered. At this point some people questioned this, saying it was an elective procedure, therefore I should take the time off as holiday! Well I thought that unfair, after all if I pushed for it, I'd get the op on the NHS, would they expect me to have my recovery as holiday then?? what if it was knee op I was paying for, again would I have to use annual leave for that?? in fact even personnel at first said yes, I must take it as holiday!! but changed their tack once they realised it was NOT a cosmetic procedure.
So now I have to discuss the issue of having a lunch break... I'm sure my boss will be fine and she has been very good to me so far...we will see.
So seeing the Dietitian has all ready opened a can of worms, this procedure is more than just simple gastric band, its an examination and alteration of every aspect of my life.
Monday, 7 July 2008
BBQ's
BBQs. Tons of cooked meat, coleslaw and bread products, washed down with cider..mmmmmm getting together with family and friends to enjoy a BBQ during one of the few sunny (ish) days of the year has always been a highlight of summer for me. Then it struck me this weekend (mid burger), I wont be able to enjoy this any more after my op. What defines my experience will no longer be mountains of food and drink, I will no longer be able to enjoy a long leisurely food fest...my life will change in more than a physical sense.Gulp!
The husband also pointed out that not only will I need to re-evaluate my mind set and how I view food in a social context, but so will family and friends.
Gone will be the days of others egging me on to eat, " You've hardly eaten anything...What do you mean 3 sausages, 2 burgers and a jacket potato are enough? , you must eat more, just another sausage?"
I think that it will be very interesting to see how others respond to my new way of eating once the op is over. Having done Lighterlife some years ago, I found that people were quite willing to scupper my efforts at the drop of a hat, offering a cup of tea and a cake, whilst knowing I couldn't eat anything.
Why this happens can, I believe be put into two trains of thought: Eating for many of us is such a social past time that people feel rude if they don't offer sustenance of some variety,hence the need to offer food with a drink.
The other is that some people don't like change and they especially don't like others to change. The status quo is fine by them and anyone who steps outside their designated pigeon hole is rocking the boat.
In loosing weight and changing my physical shape and mental attitude to food, I discovered during lighterlife that some people found it hard to adapt to my change of role, no longer the greedy one who could always be relied on to finish left overs, no longer the fat one who couldn't buy nice clothes and look good on nights out and no longer the one against whom you can feel superior, they didn't like my changing, so sabotage of the diet was undertaken, all be it unconsciously.
So with this in mind, I've been thinking what will people do when I have no choice but to stick to eating from a tea cup? what will they do when I really can't eat that other sausage? will they accept it, or push it? and what will next summers BBQs be like? It's hard to imagine eating very little and feeling full up, but that's the plan...the real difficulty is going to be getting my brain to stop me eating when my stomach says NO...now that's gonna be the trick of it!
The husband also pointed out that not only will I need to re-evaluate my mind set and how I view food in a social context, but so will family and friends.
Gone will be the days of others egging me on to eat, " You've hardly eaten anything...What do you mean 3 sausages, 2 burgers and a jacket potato are enough? , you must eat more, just another sausage?"
I think that it will be very interesting to see how others respond to my new way of eating once the op is over. Having done Lighterlife some years ago, I found that people were quite willing to scupper my efforts at the drop of a hat, offering a cup of tea and a cake, whilst knowing I couldn't eat anything.
Why this happens can, I believe be put into two trains of thought: Eating for many of us is such a social past time that people feel rude if they don't offer sustenance of some variety,hence the need to offer food with a drink.
The other is that some people don't like change and they especially don't like others to change. The status quo is fine by them and anyone who steps outside their designated pigeon hole is rocking the boat.
In loosing weight and changing my physical shape and mental attitude to food, I discovered during lighterlife that some people found it hard to adapt to my change of role, no longer the greedy one who could always be relied on to finish left overs, no longer the fat one who couldn't buy nice clothes and look good on nights out and no longer the one against whom you can feel superior, they didn't like my changing, so sabotage of the diet was undertaken, all be it unconsciously.
So with this in mind, I've been thinking what will people do when I have no choice but to stick to eating from a tea cup? what will they do when I really can't eat that other sausage? will they accept it, or push it? and what will next summers BBQs be like? It's hard to imagine eating very little and feeling full up, but that's the plan...the real difficulty is going to be getting my brain to stop me eating when my stomach says NO...now that's gonna be the trick of it!
Tuesday, 1 July 2008
Eating from a tea cup
So, after much thought, I have plucked up the courage to book an appointment with a fat doctor-he is not fat, his specialty is and after seeing how much this little adventure is going to cost...I'm, thinking his wallet can't be on the trim side either!
Most of this type of surgery costs between £5 and £8K here in the UK. Some people have travelled abroad to France and Prague to get it done, but working in the field so to speak, I want access to a good local surgeon and a local follow up team that can support me after the event. Pre and post operative care is as important as the surgery itself and never cut costs on getting a good all round package, especially on anaesthetists fee's. Yes, the surgeon needs to be tip top, but he's only one part of the picture and the anaesthetist is the one who will keep you alive, asleep and comfortable during the op!
Having decided where I want to go, I booked the appointment. The Husband has never wanted me to have this op, he is worried for my well being, but has come to realise that though this is a drastic decision and bears inherent risk, its something I need to do today to live longer tomorrow.
So he's coming to see the fat doctor with me, and I'm glad, because I will need all his help and support before and after the operation.
We turn up at the rather well thought of private hospital and book in. Everyone is teeth and smiles, nice decor and free hot drinks, so quite removed from the NHS hospital I work at.
The fat Dr calls me in after about a 10 minute wait...(I could get used to this private treatment thing) He explains the different types of surgery available, none of them sound appealing and all carry a greater or lesser degree of risk. We have both decided that the band is my way forward, based on my BMI and life style, so he talks more about this procedure in depth.
All the details of what they do during the op can be found on any number of websites, though one of the most informative is BOSPA, so get googling...
The upshot of all this is that I will be able to eat a fraction of what I can eat now...and considering what I can eat now could conceivably constitute the diet of a small third world country, I'm keen to know how much less I will be able to pack away.
A Tea cup.
About the size of a tea cup of food for one meal, this sounds incredible, my appetite right now is so big that often is the time I am still hungry and everyone else is rolling on the floor holding their tummies and groaning. Me- I'm normally just warming up!
So a tea cup eh? mmmmmmmm can I fit a Mars bar in a tea cup?
Most of this type of surgery costs between £5 and £8K here in the UK. Some people have travelled abroad to France and Prague to get it done, but working in the field so to speak, I want access to a good local surgeon and a local follow up team that can support me after the event. Pre and post operative care is as important as the surgery itself and never cut costs on getting a good all round package, especially on anaesthetists fee's. Yes, the surgeon needs to be tip top, but he's only one part of the picture and the anaesthetist is the one who will keep you alive, asleep and comfortable during the op!
Having decided where I want to go, I booked the appointment. The Husband has never wanted me to have this op, he is worried for my well being, but has come to realise that though this is a drastic decision and bears inherent risk, its something I need to do today to live longer tomorrow.
So he's coming to see the fat doctor with me, and I'm glad, because I will need all his help and support before and after the operation.
We turn up at the rather well thought of private hospital and book in. Everyone is teeth and smiles, nice decor and free hot drinks, so quite removed from the NHS hospital I work at.
The fat Dr calls me in after about a 10 minute wait...(I could get used to this private treatment thing) He explains the different types of surgery available, none of them sound appealing and all carry a greater or lesser degree of risk. We have both decided that the band is my way forward, based on my BMI and life style, so he talks more about this procedure in depth.
All the details of what they do during the op can be found on any number of websites, though one of the most informative is BOSPA, so get googling...
The upshot of all this is that I will be able to eat a fraction of what I can eat now...and considering what I can eat now could conceivably constitute the diet of a small third world country, I'm keen to know how much less I will be able to pack away.
A Tea cup.
About the size of a tea cup of food for one meal, this sounds incredible, my appetite right now is so big that often is the time I am still hungry and everyone else is rolling on the floor holding their tummies and groaning. Me- I'm normally just warming up!
So a tea cup eh? mmmmmmmm can I fit a Mars bar in a tea cup?
Hmmmmmmmmmm
I AM FAT, lets not beat around the bush here, with statistics like mine there's no denying it...I am fat!
I'm also unhappy.
Society has a certain image of fat people, you are either fat and lazy or fat and jolly, which one am I? well I suppose I'm fat and jolly-on the outside, but inside, I'm fat and unhappy, fat and tired, fat and many other things, but not jolly.
Having been a 'big girl' all my adult life, I have tried every diet, or weight loss pill, programme or potion out there. One in particular 'Lighterlife' worked a treat, I lost 6 stone in as many months.... I also nearly lost my husband. I had grown so miserable and unsociable that I had lost 'me', not to mention the fact that such rapid weight loss lead to me needing urgent surgery for gallstones caused by my shrinking so fast.
5 years on, I now weigh 2 stones more than when I started Lighterlife and find loosing weight even more ( if it is possible) difficult to achieve. I also have PCOS, which has come as no great surprise, but which does explain why shifting the bulge is so damn difficult!
I've been thinking long and hard about life, what I want, don't want, and where I want to be 5 or 10 years from now...I want to live, enjoy living and not carry the weight of my sister in law around on my back any more. My feet and knees are shot, my blood pressure is creeping up and I look about 10 years older than I am whilst feeling at least 20 years older..on a good day!
So what am I gonna do???
Well, working in medicine, I have a pretty good grasp of whats what in terms of weight loss surgery, I've done my research, I've looked at the BOSPA web site and I've read every detail of Fern Brittons story in any old tat mag going, so I now feel ready to seek professional surgical help with battling my demon weight issue...I'm taking the plunge...I'm seeking a gastric band!
I'm also unhappy.
Society has a certain image of fat people, you are either fat and lazy or fat and jolly, which one am I? well I suppose I'm fat and jolly-on the outside, but inside, I'm fat and unhappy, fat and tired, fat and many other things, but not jolly.
Having been a 'big girl' all my adult life, I have tried every diet, or weight loss pill, programme or potion out there. One in particular 'Lighterlife' worked a treat, I lost 6 stone in as many months.... I also nearly lost my husband. I had grown so miserable and unsociable that I had lost 'me', not to mention the fact that such rapid weight loss lead to me needing urgent surgery for gallstones caused by my shrinking so fast.
5 years on, I now weigh 2 stones more than when I started Lighterlife and find loosing weight even more ( if it is possible) difficult to achieve. I also have PCOS, which has come as no great surprise, but which does explain why shifting the bulge is so damn difficult!
I've been thinking long and hard about life, what I want, don't want, and where I want to be 5 or 10 years from now...I want to live, enjoy living and not carry the weight of my sister in law around on my back any more. My feet and knees are shot, my blood pressure is creeping up and I look about 10 years older than I am whilst feeling at least 20 years older..on a good day!
So what am I gonna do???
Well, working in medicine, I have a pretty good grasp of whats what in terms of weight loss surgery, I've done my research, I've looked at the BOSPA web site and I've read every detail of Fern Brittons story in any old tat mag going, so I now feel ready to seek professional surgical help with battling my demon weight issue...I'm taking the plunge...I'm seeking a gastric band!
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